AAO25.com
Community => The Lounge => Topic started by: Dialects on Sunday, March 07, 2010, 18:57:36 PM
-
"
In my head, Freedom.
In my head,
blazing through,
never as dead,
I will be, for you.
In your head,
senseless as ever,
I shall be a drag,
as such is intense fever.
In our heads,
though remainfull,
as have others said,
will we, in love, be fools.
In their heads,
titling seemingly,
as close as ahead,
we are, at once, free."
"
Nature Cycles
from that blue sky,
your immense vast affairs,
from that sea blue sky,
you make me, yours, in flesh.
from that red dirt,
your wishes sang are,
from that blood red dirt,
you will, through me, roar!
from that green air,
your pain surrenders ingreed,
from that blazing green air,
you have, with me, shred a tear.
from that white time,
your senses are left to adorn,
from that aging white time,
you do, in hopes, shine for more?"
Feedback appreciated. Tee hee!
-
They are both good. I like the first one better. Just wondering if I read it right or not but "you have, with me, shred a tear." is "shred" suppose to be "shed'?
I like them both but the second seems alittle vague, then again most poems seem vague to the outsider. My mother is a published poet and I don't get most of her stuff lol.
-
Even though it would make sense to be "shed", the wished word was actually "shred".
:)
Once again, thanks for the comments, amigo.
-
Poems rarely make "sense" in the traditional since. I just wanted to make sure what I was reading was what you intended and not a type-o. Making comments/giving feed back on art is very much my pleasure.
-
New poem!
In those blue eyes
in those blue eyes,
I speak of the tomorrow
as someone who never dies,
lasting unclouded of sorrow.
in those blue eyes,
materialized as never before,
I claim for hope that lies
as I walk out of the door.
in those blue eyes,
as I reach the virtue within,
looking more than it appetites,
wishes indeed grow me thin.
in those blue eyes,
you dismantle me in essence,
and as lovely as birds fly,
we shall too, hold our nature dense.
-
@Dann: nice poem.
@Major-Skrewup: or dudes.