Forum

ASSIST, AMERICA'S ARMY COMMUNITY - RELIVE THE GLORY DAYS OF AMERICA'S ARMY 2.5

Author Topic: Funnyest thing I ever saw.  (Read 1854 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Offline -Vegeta-

  • Dedicated Poster
  • *****
  • Posts: 1,048
    • View Profile
  • AA: Vegeta
Funnyest thing I ever saw.
« on: Saturday, January 18, 2014, 05:27:21 AM »
Disorder in the American Courts
These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are things
people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published
by court reporters who had the torment
of staying calm while these exchanges
were actually taking place.
Q: Are you sexually active?
A: No, I just lie there.
______________________________
Q: What is your date of birth?
A: July 18th.
Q: What year?
A: Every year.
_____________________________________
Q: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
______________________________________
Q: This myasthenia gravis, does it
affect your memory at all?
A: Yes.
Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
A: I forget.
Q: You forget? Can you give us an
example of something that you've
forgotten?
_____________________________________
Q: How old is your son, the one living with you?
A: Thirty-eight or thirty-fiv
e, I can't remember which.
Q: How long has he lived with you?
A: Forty-five years.
_____________________________________
Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke up that
morning?
A: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
Q: And why did that upset you?
A: My name is Susan.
______________________________________
Q: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo or the
occult?
A: We both do.
Q: Voodoo?
A: We do.
Q: You do?
A: Yes, voodoo.
______________________________________
Q: Now doctor, isn't it true that wh
en a person dies in his sleep, he
doesn't know about it until the next morning?
A: Did you actually
pass the bar exam?
___________________________________
Q: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?
_____________________________________
Q: Were you present when your picture was taken?
______________________________________
Q: So the date of conception
(of the baby) was August 8th?
A: Yes.
Q: And what were you doing at that time?
______________________________________
Q: She had three children, right?
A: Yes.
Q: How many were boys?
A: None.
Q: Were there any girls?
______________________________________
Q: How was your first marriage terminated?
A: By death.
Q: And by whose death was it terminated?
______________________________________
Q: Can you describe the individual?
A: He was about medium height and had a beard.
Q: Was this a male, or a female?
______________________________________
Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice
which I sent to your attorney?
A: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
______________________________________
Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?
A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.
______________________________________
Q: ALL your responses MUST be oral
, OK? What school did you go to?
A: Oral.
______________________________________
Q: Do you recall the time
that you examined the body?
A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?
A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy.
______________________________________
Q: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
______________________________________
Q: Doctor, before you performed the
autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for blood pressure?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for breathing?
A: No.
Q: So, then it is possible that the
patient was alive when you began the
autopsy?
A: No.
Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
Q: But could the patient have
still been alive, nevertheless?
A: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law
Words are great possed but the tune is crap. A condeming fear strikes down
Things they cannot understand. An excuse to cover up weaknesses that lie within Lies
Laying your guilt and pain. On people that had no part in the molding of a life
That creates its destruction. Lies. Right before your very eyes
A reflection of the mistakes. To the end you will deny. Your part in the demise of a life
Lack of comprehension. Thriving on your cliche. Compelled by self-resentment
Reaching into the minds of those that created. The depression in which they
In which they drowned their flesh and blood. Lies. So easy to blame the
Everlasting fear on a pathetic attempt. To justify the ending of life. Lies
Right before your very eyes. A reflection of the mistakes. To the end you will deny
Your part in the demise of a life
Lack of comprehension. Thriving on your cliche. Compelled by self-resentment

Offline -Rui

Re: Funnyest thing I ever saw.
« Reply #1 on: Saturday, January 18, 2014, 06:56:07 AM »
Some good pearls there. Thank you for making me laugh!!  :up:

Offline bollie

  • Dedicated Poster
  • *****
  • Posts: 1,120
    • View Profile
Re: Funnyest thing I ever saw.
« Reply #2 on: Saturday, January 18, 2014, 09:13:41 AM »
Hehe some are funny!

Offline C0RRUPTER

  • Full Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 115
    • View Profile
Re: Funnyest thing I ever saw.
« Reply #3 on: Saturday, January 18, 2014, 22:31:10 PM »
wow lol

 

Download Assist

×

Download Game Client

Important: Battletracker no longer exists. However, old Battletracker accounts may still work. You can create a new 25Assist account here

Download Server Manager